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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27234358">Stasis</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/renecdote/pseuds/renecdote'>renecdote</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>9-1-1 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Episode: s02e17 Careful What You Wish For, Grief/Mourning, Y'all I am so sorry</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 22:01:09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>882</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27234358</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/renecdote/pseuds/renecdote</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>He wishes they had a little more time.</i>
</p>
<p>Coda for the hospital scene at the end of 2x17, with all the angst that entails.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>32</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Stasis</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I didn't mean for my first fic for this show to be major angst but here we are whoops. </p>
<p>Written for a tumblr prompt (“There’s nothing I can do anymore").</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He sits in the hospital for a long time. Long enough that he loses track—could check his watch or his phone but doesn’t think to, doesn’t <em>care</em> to. It doesn’t matter anyway. Time is just something he doesn’t have anymore.</p>
<p>Not with Shannon.</p>
<p>She said that too: “I wish I had just a little more time.”</p>
<p>It was one of the last things she ever said.</p>
<p>Eddie still can’t quite believe it.</p>
<p>He’s in a strange place. Numb, but aching. Still, but restless with the need to do something—anything—to fix what he knows can’t be fixed. He feels foggy, but his thoughts are spiraling so fast it’s making him dizzy.</p>
<p>Buck sits down beside him at some point. He says words and Eddie nods, makes some sound of agreement or disagreement or something else entirely. He doesn’t know. He can’t focus on it. All he can think is: <em>I’m going to have to tell Christopher. I’m going to have to tell him his mother isn’t coming home—for good this time. I’m going to have to tell him I couldn’t save her.</em></p>
<p>Hen sits down on his other side. She passes him a cup of coffee and he takes it. Chimney stands in front of him. They all talk. Eddie… participates. Sort of. He tells them he’s fine. </p>
<p>(They don’t believe him.)</p>
<p>Then Chimney is gone but Hen is still there. And then both Hen and Chimney are gone.</p>
<p>Buck stays.</p>
<p>Eddie takes a shaky breath and says, “There’s nothing I can do anymore.”</p>
<p>“What?” Buck frowns. “What are you talking about?”</p>
<p>The coffee in Eddie’s hands is the wrong side of lukewarm. He drinks it anyway; swallows hard to get it down. It sits sour in his stomach, but he takes another sip anyway. He doesn’t even want coffee.</p>
<p>“We were trying to fix things.” He doesn’t know why he’s telling Buck this—Buck already knows. “For Christopher, but for—for ourselves as well. Or I thought so. I thought we were doing better. I thought—”</p>
<p>He chokes on words he doesn’t know how to say. <em>I thought she loved me again. I thought she never stopped. I thought it was good. I thought we could be a family again. I thought we <strong>were</strong></em>.</p>
<p>Buck’s arm is around him. “Hey, hey, Eddie, it’s okay, you don’t have to—”</p>
<p>“She wanted a divorce.”</p>
<p>It seems stupid now. It seems so fucking stupid. Not the divorce, but the fact that he was upset about it. Upset with Shannon. And, God, now he’d give anything just to be separated on paper instead of—</p>
<p>“Mr. Diaz?”</p>
<p>Buck sits up straighter. Eddie takes an extra moment, rubbing at his eyes. When he looks up, the nurse’s face is solemn but kind. She doesn’t smile and he likes her a little bit more just for that. </p>
<p>“Your wife’s belongings are ready to collect. And you can see her again, if you’d like.”</p>
<p>If he’d like. It strikes him as an odd thing to say. How many people would really like to see someone they love dead? He didn’t the first time—when he was looking in and they called it, and the nurses and doctors all drifted away, and the line on the monitor wasn’t even flat because they’d turned the machine off. He’s not sure he’s strong enough to do it again.</p>
<p>But he stands—mostly because Buck does, then holds out a hand to pull Eddie to his feet. Eddie doesn’t take the hand, but it jolts him into action. He’s been given something to do, so he’ll do it. He’s always been better with action. </p>
<p>(That’s what he did with Shannon, right? Leapt right in without thinking, without considering all the ways it could blow up in all their faces—not that he ever could have predicted this one, even if he had considered the what ifs. He doesn’t think anyone has ever expected a fatal traffic accident.)</p>
<p>“Do you want me to come with you, or—?”</p>
<p>He must shake his head, because Buck stays behind while Eddie follows the nurse through the hospital corridors. His shoes squeak slightly on the floor and it’s—almost annoying. Mostly he still feels numb. Numb when they stop in front of a white desk; numb when he signs his name at the bottom of a form he doesn’t even read; numb when a plastic packet of clothes and jewellery are slid across to him. He takes them because that’s what he’s supposed to do. He doesn’t know what the hell he’s supposed to do with them though. He kinds of wants to burn them. Wants to burn this whole day away.</p>
<p>When he gets back to the waiting room, the whole team is there.  Even Bobby. The look on his face—Eddie knows that look. He’s pretty sure he’s wearing it.</p>
<p>Bobby doesn’t say sorry. He doesn’t ask if Eddie is okay. He just hugs him.</p>
<p>Eddie doesn’t know what else to do so he just holds on and hugs back. And he cries. For Shannon. For himself. But mostly for Christopher. He still doesn’t know how he’s going to tell his son that mommy is never coming home. He wishes he didn’t have to. </p>
<p>He wishes they had just a little more time.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for reading! Kudos and comments are love 💛 You can also find my on tumblr <a href="https://renecdote.tumblr.com/">here</a> :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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